Ladies Wear White Socks

This is one of my favorite articles by Debi Pearl on raising feminine girls... I just had to share it this morning!

I had never really been aware that I do indeed indoctrinate the children in my life. Yesterday, we were in the greenhouse taking out the last few remaining plants. I handed Laura Rose, our 17-month-old granddaughter, a small potted plant to carry. As we walked out of the greenhouse and into the garden, I told her, “This will soon have pretty pink flowers. Ladies love flowers.”

We made our way over the rough, plowed ground with her little legs struggling to keep balance while holding on to her potted plant. Just as we started planting it, a rain shower came, so I whisked her up and ran up the hill to the house. She was wet, dirty, and cold, so I quickly stripped off her clothes and put her into the kitchen sink full of warm water with lots of bubbles. She loved it! I unconsciously did it again. “Ladies just love warm bubble baths.” This time, it suddenly hit me. I am indoctrinating this little girl in what it means to be female!

When I was young and in school, back in the sixties, it was still popular for writers and college professors to rail on parents and society for influencing little girls to be ladies and boys to be men. At that time, psychologists thought that the difference in the sexes was a learned habit, not a product of nature. They theorized that if society did not lead boys to think that men were supposed to be tough and little girls were supposed to play with dolls, that boys and girls would grow up to be a happy blend, with no social or personal gender distinction. This philosophy included the idea that guilt and morals were simply the unfortunate products of society.

Although very few parents in the general population bought into this ridiculous philosophy, its principles permeated so much of education and literature that almost all parents were affected by it, and still are today. An entire generation of children grew up without learning the simple things they would need to cope with life. Many sweet little girls did not learn from their mothers how to be thankful, obedient wives, and little boys never learned how to be real men and take care of the women in their life. I am sure today’s divorce rate reflects some of the “gender neutral” teaching. But the children in my life will know little girls love flowers and that boys take care of mamas. I indoctrinated them—here a little, there a little, line upon line, precept upon precept. I do want my boys to be real men and my girls to be fine ladies.

For the rest of that day, I took careful note of how often I influenced Laura Rose’s opinion of herself and her abilities, and her opinion of other people, as well as all the wonderful things happening around her.

“We love to sweep. It makes our floor look so clean.”

“Do you want to help wash the dishes? You love helping wash the dishes.”

“Your daddy will be so proud of you. You are such a good helper.”

“Big Papa is so strong, and he loves baked fish and fresh salad out of the garden.”

“He really loves green beans. You love green beans, too, don’t you?”

“Do you want to help me cook the green beans?”

At lunch, Laura Rose ate green beans like they were a delicious dessert. She “scarfed them down,” as Joe Courage likes to say. When her mama came in sometime later, we looked around for Laura. We found her in the kitchen. She had pulled up her stool, found a can of green beans, and was in the process of trying to put the can of beans on the stove. The power of suggestion is remarkable.

I am a country woman, no frills attached, but I know when someone else looks good, walks with grace, and dresses with class. All of my daughters have a beautiful natural confidence and presence. It amazes me how they can take simple things and make them taste, look, or feel so good. They are what I call, real ladies. How did all three girls developed traits that I didn’t have? When they were growing up and we saw a lady walk with grace, I would direct their attention to her qualities. We even had hilarious times practicing walking like a lady—just for fun. On the other side, if we saw a girl with silly clothes and purple hair, flouncing along in a sexy way, I would bring that to their attention also. They knew that I felt sorry for the silly girl and admired the graceful woman.

I made it a point to have them around admirable young ladies who had a sweet kindness about them. We took note of women who could sew and do beautiful handwork. We called them “The Proverbs 31 ladies.” We honored them from afar. These ladies would be shocked to know how much influence they had on my girls and how often their names were respectfully mentioned.
Woe to the woman who was dominant, lazy, moody, or critical, because, with a shudder, I taught my daughters to dread ever being like that. But the lady who smiled at her children, and the woman who showed honor to her husband, the hard-working church helper, the best cook at Sunday dinners, and the young wife who shyly held her husband’s hand, those I held up as examples to be admired. . .by my girls! Yes, my girls were indoctrinated to be ladies by the examples of the women I admired.

Read full article by Debi Pearl.